The Third of Me?
I like who I am now. At the age of 44, I am close to the dreams of a young me. Spiritually, Mentally still working on the physical as we speak. My body, I feel like I never really had a handle on it though. You know? Maybe you don’t. When I was slim I thought I was fat, When I was out of shape I was, well, fat. So interesting how the mind how works. Honestly, I’m glad I wasn’t in shape like I see in magazines or movies. My ego could not have handled it back then. Something about having a body people praise you for does something for your ego. Maybe it’s supposed to. Honestly, How would I know.
I know today we are about body positivity and we need to be. But for me, my health is attached. It’s not that I want to work out and “be SWOL bro” I have to work out. Why did it have to come to that? This brings me here sitting in this car with life. Driving without a GPS, Picking up people along the way like the ground picks the petals from the trees. Do I have control over my body, my life? Then I see the sun creep over the hill into the car just enough to illuminate the hazel resting in my eyes. Thank you bringer of light, bringer of life. I drive. I have to get a grip on this steering wheel. My Steering wheel. It’s so easy to make the wrong turn.
It’s that one week, that day of not working out, and the crow of gravity flies and lands on my knees. The aches and slow grinding of bones against each other remind me of the slow screech of cars into walls. Yes like that. My mental and spiritual are in the back seat coaching my physical through the driving test. Man, I hit the curb a lot. I mean a lot. My body grips the steering wheel with sweat seeping out of the pours. Life the instructor watches me with a pencil in hand. A stop sign for dessert is ahead. My mind and spirit scream “ Keep DRIVING”. The heaviness of my left foot appetite gets heavy. The tension of the pedal welcomes me to fall into it. I close my eyes as my spirit presses down on my right leg I run through the stop sign and collide with wellness. Wellness smiles at me as she side-swipes me. I get out of the car. I look deep into the eyes of wellness, wellness looks back at me and smiles “ Your mine now. I put my head down and then pick it back up I stare into the eyes of wellness and I say “I’m all yours.”
Thank you for this beautiful sharing. I love how you give life to all these things, how wellness becomes a kind friend, a lover.